A Youtube Equation

Hey. I woke up this morning. I don't know what's so relieving about that, but whatever.

I went to taco bell with Jim. I got the #9, crunchwrap supreme. Jim got something new off the fresco-menu. I can't really remember what it was. If I remember it, I'll post it. Anyway, enough about my morning, how was yours? Anything interesting happen? No?... ...Well forget that I ever asked. I didn’t mean to upset you.

Here is an equation I photoshopped this morning. I'll make some others later, if I'm bored.

Complicate. Eradicate. Contemplate. Alleviate.

Complicate, eradicate, contemplate, alleviate

Misinterpretations they hurt my mind at the end of the day when I be trying to unwind.
I walk into my living room and put a movie in, the people in the window point at me and yell “Sin”!

Complicate, eradicate, contemplate, alleviate


Rebecca: “Paul”!

[A long pause…Rebecca scratches her empty fucking head and drools.]


Rebecca: “Paaaauuuul”!

Frank: “Shut the fuck up you retard, that’s not my name”.

Rebecca: “Weh wer yoo”?

Frank: “Oh you mean for the last five minutes?...Because you asked me this five minutes ago and the answer is still the same. RIGHT! FUCKING! HERE!”

[Rebecca begins to sob like a retard. Frank looks at his groin.]

Frank: “Wow my dick feels heavy today”!

Rebecca: “Wuuuuh”?

Mysterious man: “Hey, did I overhear you talking about levies”?

Frank: “No, I said my dick feels heavy”.

Mysterious man: “Oh…well okay. I guess I’ll be going then as I do not wish to discuss anything of the sort. It’s not that I think any less of you for thinking and or talking about dicks and how being heavy, as they can be, affects day to day life, but I have to say, this is a subject that I have a rather sensitive relationship with and do not wish to talk about it, in fear of making me get all fucked up in my noggin. I don’t want to end up like her now, do I”?

[Rebecca mutters the ‘muppet babies’ theme song to herself while picking her nose. The reject can’t even fucking do that right and she picks too hard.]

Rebecca: “WAAAAAHHHHHHH”!!!!!

Frank: “Oh fuck! I think my retard went and scraped another sliver off of her already dwindled prune of a brain.”

Mysterious Man: “Oh, I’m sorry dude, I didn’t know that your sister had a real mental disorder”.

Frank: “She’s not my sister, and don’t be afraid to say retard”.

Mysterious man: “My name is Paul”.

Paul: “There, I don’t have to write “Mysterious man” anymore, finally we know my fucking name. I figured you’d ask it eventually but noooooooo you fucking go on and on about you. Don’t you have the fucking manners to introduce yourself to people? Which one of us here is retarded, you know? Idiot”.

Frank: “What are you”?

Paul: “I am a spirit from another dimension; I am similar to what you humans know as a question, or those whispers that cats have. I managed to link us by channeling this weak-minded reetee. I’m lucky I found one this rainbow-faced, this late in the season. I wanted to meet you and explain to you that you live in a meaningless construct of a superior being. Your master, or God if you will, is none other than Bathtub Von Ducky Man”!

[They both stare at each other for a while.]

Paul: “well”?

Frank: “Get the hell out of my hands devil liaison”!

[The two fight. Rebecca wins. And by that I mean she farts and then cries.]

The end, so fuck off.

“Whilst”

“Whilst”

Why is it acceptable for one man to fart whilst using the urinal, surrounded by other dudes at the trough, when the man in the stall is made to feel like an asshole if he so much as whispers the smallest squeak of a fart whilst anyone else is in the bathroom?

The following are videos that my friends and I made over the past two years for a local film festival.



http://www.campusmoviefest.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/IdeaFlow.woa/1/wo/QAEwxPHbKtACWISLbkQR2M/4.0.5.1.6.6.11.17.0.3

“A Convenient Inconvenience”

“On the way to a shopping mall we stopped at my apartment to pick up a few games I was asked to lend to my cousin, Ryan, one of the two people I was with that day.” –Direct testimony of Matthew R. Croasdale

On Tuesday, December 18th, 2007 Cousins Matthew, and Ryan Croasdale, on a leisurely outing with mutual friend and comrade, Chris Barone encountered the following ‘event’: The three men were asked by a “twenty-ish” looking woman with blonde hair if they might provide the service of jump starting her automobile. She appeared to have a 3 or 4 year old Honda Civic of moderate wear and tear. The problem was clear, she left an electrical accessory on; that coupled with the extremely cold temperature of 24 degrees, has rendered her battery sapped of its vital energy, it’s essential vigor of life. The solution was as clear as the problem, as the binary opposite is always the easiest to realize. The most under appreciated epiphany, the most reliable resolve, and the phenomenon we know as “common sense”. I often lay awake at night pondering if whether such a thing is good or bad, right or wrong, central or peripheral, but that analysis is for another event, for another discussion, for another day.
The procedure was simple and effective. I was even able to visually document the event for personal records and evident insurance for any unfortunate legal tensions that might arise from unseen caustic actions during the timeframe of the event. I have included selected samples of said photographic documentation with this remarkable event below.









There was a fuck up that I made and it was the result of my own negligence. I tapped the clamps of the jumper cables while they were still juiced and I fucking shocked my hands. It felt like I just jerked off a robot and activated the electric ejaculatory function of the “male” machine. I can confidently use this analogy as it was the most accurate description of the feeling I had experienced and think it is appropriate to use.
In the end, the strange woman was provided her much needed boost in the battery department and the boys got their good deed for the day squared away. I’d like to say that their actions were worthy of the subtitle, “Holiday Spirit”, but I really don’t think those hollow meaningless words hold any value. Fuck the deformed mutation of the bastard child formally known as “X-Mas”, it too a comodified simulacra of its own lost referential.
“Merry Christmas”.