Wait!

Hey Look!

2008-01-25T22:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry

2008-01-18T12:57:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while and it's because I've been lazy. That, and and I have had more work than usual lately what with the new semester and all. I don't really have much to put up right now so I am just going to post a few old pictures. I promise more content in the future.

"I'm still alive"

2008-01-10T22:07:00.000-08:00

I just beat portal and I can't help but already be sad that it is over. I want to play HL2 and episodes 1 and 2 now. Oh well. Just thought I'd put it out there. It's been a while since I've played a game that I am equally fond of and scared of.

"Bingo Slaughter"

2008-01-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Is it unreasonable for me to want to see a movie about a whack job old lady who kills like 40 other elderly people at a bingo hall? I mean to be honest it just sounds like an awesome idea. I don't know. Forget it.
Moving on. How are you? How has your week been thus far? Really think about how you are feeling right now. But seriously, whatever. I'm bored with this post. I promise better stuff tomorrow. But don't count on it because I am not reliable and was formerly a convicted and sentenced liar of all sorts.
I’m tired. Bye, bye.

2008-01-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

“This is the most adorable kitten I have ever seen” exclaimed the senator, “her fur is so soft. It’s like touching the finest imitation fur, you know the kind that feels so soft that you know it’s fake”. I looked at the senator and nodded my head in false agreement. He was too fucked up to interpret my body language anyway.
“My daughter and her new boyfriend are supposed to coming over today. Everyone is excited. All of the maids are anxious to see not only the beautiful slab of man that Ophelia is undoubtedly bringing us but also the footprints of age that father time has graced Ophelia’s face with. She was always so beautiful, my daughter. She left the house when she was nineteen. She was college bound and chomping at the bit for a taste of the real world. To her the world was a bottle Jack Daniels and she was going to get hammered on life”.
“After she left our humble home she flew westward to UCLA. There she majored in journalism. She was top of her class and one of the most promising student journalists in all of California. Her writing was beautiful. Her words could make even the hardest of badasses tear up after reading one of her position papers on homelessness or AIDS in Africa. After she graduated she took a year off to experience life in western America before she started working for a fancy paper from the east coast. And this is where her new boyfriend comes in”.
“His name is River Jones. When I heard the name I imagined a blue jeans ad. I really hope he doesn’t suck as bad as those commercials do. Watching those commercials is the worst thing ever”.
“She told me many a time on the phone about how sweet he was beneath his rough exterior. I could tell he was blowing smoke up her ass”.
“It was time I blew something else up his”.

“Three days later I was arrested for the murder of River O. Jones. A few days following the incident I was put on trial and convicted for my sins. I am currently serving my 80 year sentence. I’ve been here for 26 days and it already feels like an eternity”.

...Also, here's another picture I had taken a while ago. The person in the photo is one of my roommates.

Great News and Other News but nothing relevent or important to you in any way!

2008-01-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

Let it be noted that I am not posting this image to show off my awesome Wii bowling skills.

Today is a glorious day. Every day leading up to this moment was meant to train me for it. When it came, I knew what to do. I woke up this afternoon at 12:31pm, immediately got up, walked into the living room and turned on the Wii. I think morning Wii is my favorite time of Wii. It’s such a morning friendly system. I’m not even kidding. Those of you who own one know what I’m talking about. Compared to the dark and empty Playstation 3 menu and the vibrantly colored menu that some might consider to be a bit intense, that of the XBOX 360s, the Wii’s is a bright and cheery “How ya doin’ today” kind of feel. Sometimes I feel its like walking up to a baby’s cradle just to look that baby in the eye…and then play a game or two with it. Maybe check out a Youtube video, or play a game of “Kirby’s Dream Course” on the virtual console.
Anyhow, back to what I was getting at before. I knew what I had to do today. I had to wake up and beat a level of Zack and Wiki on my Wii. Now I know what you’re thinking, [in the voice styling of a crotchety old man] “Zack and Wiki? Now that there just sounds like a boy snoopin’ around on the internet for that there info on the Wikipedia.org or something of the sorts”, but seriously, the game fucking rules, it’s a point and click adventure much like “Monkey Island” and it is such a funny and challenging game.
I beat a level of “Zack and Wiki” this morning and I am incredibly proud of myself for just getting up and doing this. Maybe tomorrow I will be ready to check the mail or go outside.

Side Note:

“I have yet to feel any serious cravings this morning.”

–direct testimonial of Matthew R. Croasdale

Dear Clementine, the war has been a diffi...

2008-01-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so I totally forgot to tell you that I quit smoking for New Years. Posting about it is more or less for me. I think that if I start keeping track of it via intermittent side posts it might provide more support for the cause. I have been trying to use little things like that to maintain my smoke-free lifestyle during its second infancy. I also try to go out of my way not to smoke in front of impressionable minds (i.e. children, monkeys, copy-cats, small birds, sheep, lemmings etc). These two methods of maintaining my sanity and cooling my nerves during my journey through the desert of no cigarettes are just a drop in the bucket of an entire of arsenal of help. If I had to award a few outstanding soldiers for giving so much when their dear country of Croasdland needed them to stand up and defend it, they would be Orbit chewing gum, and “Super Mario Galaxy”. They would be awarded the Medal of Honor.
Since New Years I was able to go cigarette-free for 5 days. I broke down and had one with my roommate before work yesterday. Since then I have managed to avert my attention from nicotine once again. But for how long, though? Nobody knows. I’ll keep you updated in the days, weeks, and months to come. Should you need a personal one-to-one conversation with me about it, feel free to e-mail me any of your questions.

photo by Maria Lee

croasdma@emmanuel.edu

Saturday has lost its old feeling

2008-01-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

photo by Ross Fielding

I used to wake up on Saturdays and be relieved that I would have nothing to do for the entirety of the day. Those were the days. My appreciation of Saturdays was molded by my work schedule. I worked during the week and relaxed on the weekend. That was how I did things. Although lately my work has been overlapping my schoolwork and social life; my whole week has been blended into a balanced equilibrium of the day to day grind. My once segmented rituals have been slapped together like some postmodern villa. In many ways my life has become the metro area. It used to be organized and separated, but now my work life just set up shop across the street from my school life and my social life is around the corner in between a seven-eleven and a realty office. My days feel less and less unique and more and more monotonous. I am afraid that the long term effects of this process may one day sap the meaning out of me. I’m not sure.

2008 sucks.

2008-01-03T10:53:00.000-08:00

So far I haven't really been impressed. I was expecting it to be a lot brighter. I think that the moment the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve; we were plunged into a slightly greyer existence. Everything has a sinisterly whimsical and depressing twist these days and by that I mean I feel like everything is now clownish in one way or another. Even the sidewalks and clouds intimidate me. It doesn't help that Boston is especially empty right now due to the absence of college students. I would like to say that I feel like Will Smith in "I Am Legend" right now except with fireballs and clocks with broken legs who cry out "I'm sorry"!

Something I dug up just now.

2008-01-02T20:48:00.001-08:00

"Construction Dysfunction"

I've got some famous Amos all crunched up and scrunched up sitting in my box waiting to be lunched up.
Traffic is bunched up but I really don't care it it's unfair to someone sitting in conditioned air to have to drive around somewhere else and go around,
take a detour across town,
mysteries and adventures abound,
while I'm stuck here breathing fumes and listening to the sound of disgruntled drivers with powerful engines.
Their contempt for me is manifested in the form of excessive horse power.
They grimace,
punch the accelerator beneath their feet, burn rubber, smoke thick like flour.
Don't get bent out of shape,
pissed off or sour,
because it is too early of an hour to get all worked up and attempt to make me cower
in the awe inspiring presence of Don Millman,
accountant,
age 30,
father of two kids,
ones meek the others flirty.
Don drives a Nissan Altima,
'96 and pretty dirty.
He rolls around with his window down and tells me:
"You guys really know how to screw up a wet dream, this traffic circle is lousy"
Thank you for the animosity,
four weeks we've been working on this rotary.
It's been no simple endeavor and all we ask is that you do is this one task:
Please seek an alternate route,
under different rays may you bask.
We've been here so long,
and will be for a little longer.
So please take my words and be stronger.
Try to remain somber when I tell you the road is closed to thru traffic and the way around is a mile into town, please don't make a mountain out of this mound
or even worse a volcano,
don't tell me to go home and drink Draino.
Understand that you're not the only driver inconvenienced today
but in fact one of many who roll down the window and say
"Hey, what the fuck? I need to drive through there!"
Talk about unfair,
I'm the one getting ugly stares,
pulling out my hair,
close calls and scares,
traffic zipping all around me and for what?
A few measly dollars an hour, that's my cut.
You think that's all,
my pay for sending people the other way,
but you're wrong there's another prize for upsetting you guys
and it's not the defeated look in your eyes
or the countless numbers of flies in this sky.
No let me tell you the reason why.
It's the pride.
You may hate us now but when the job is done and this circle becomes fun.
When the cones are gone and the traffic's moving along,
When I won't have to do this dance or sing this song.
When lines are blurred between right and wrong.
When balance returns,
equalized traffic in all directions,
rather than bumper to bumper city street congestions,
just reflections on an old intersection that couldn't handle the insurmountable hordes of SUVs, sports cars, and vans.
This new rotary,
a tribute to mans never ending need to preserve
and make efficient every grain of sand that tumbles in that hour glass.
So long story short,
don't be an ass,
sit down and be quiet during this noisy road construction of a mass.
I'm the preacher,
you've heard my sermon,
now go home relax and pour some bourbon.
Drink one for you and one for me and one more for witnessing history in the making.
This traffic circle which deserves no forsaking.
Believe me when I say it was no easy undertaking.
Working hard out here,
under the sun baking,
many hours before many are even waking,
or even breakfast and lunch making.
Speaking of lunch,
I still have a bunch of famous Amos sitting in my lunch I have yet to crunch.
Now excuse me while I ingest this mess of chocolate chip cookies
or maybe my ranch style chicken wings from Chili's ,
cold but no less full of zest.
They truly are the best to digest for those holding the sign and wearing the vest.
Tell your mother I send her my best.
Now keep moving and continue west into town.
Sorry ma'am but you'll have to go around,
the reason why?
Don't you hear that sound?
There's construction goin' down at this efficient about of round.
Thank you for the understanding in your heart that you have found.
Thank you for not being wound or a hound.
Have a good day, now I need to get back to the daily pound.

Look, I shit out a post.

2008-01-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years. There. I said it. Moving on. I've been sitting in front of this computer for like 20 minutes and can't think of anything I really want to write about. So to be frank, this post sucks. When I started this blog a few weeks ago I thought it'd be easy to think of something to write every day but I am now seeing that I was completely wrong. That said, today was really cold, Ruggles is a depressing station, and quitting cigarettes is harder than I thought. Also, the next two weeks are going to suck much like this post as all I'll be doing is working until school starts again and people come back. I'm really tired. I'm going to go to bed because time seems to go by faster when I'm asleep.

A Youtube Equation

2007-12-30T10:13:00.000-08:00

Hey. I woke up this morning. I don't know what's so relieving about that, but whatever.

I went to taco bell with Jim. I got the #9, crunchwrap supreme. Jim got something new off the fresco-menu. I can't really remember what it was. If I remember it, I'll post it. Anyway, enough about my morning, how was yours? Anything interesting happen? No?... ...Well forget that I ever asked. I didn’t mean to upset you.

Here is an equation I photoshopped this morning. I'll make some others later, if I'm bored.

Complicate. Eradicate. Contemplate. Alleviate.

2007-12-29T20:43:00.000-08:00

Complicate, eradicate, contemplate, alleviate

Misinterpretations they hurt my mind at the end of the day when I be trying to unwind.
I walk into my living room and put a movie in, the people in the window point at me and yell “Sin”!

Complicate, eradicate, contemplate, alleviate

Rebecca: “Paul”!

[A long pause…Rebecca scratches her empty fucking head and drools.]

Rebecca: “Paaaauuuul”!

Frank: “Shut the fuck up you retard, that’s not my name”.

Rebecca: “Weh wer yoo”?

Frank: “Oh you mean for the last five minutes?...Because you asked me this five minutes ago and the answer is still the same. RIGHT! FUCKING! HERE!”

[Rebecca begins to sob like a retard. Frank looks at his groin.]

Frank: “Wow my dick feels heavy today”!

Rebecca: “Wuuuuh”?

Mysterious man: “Hey, did I overhear you talking about levies”?

Frank: “No, I said my dick feels heavy”.

Mysterious man: “Oh…well okay. I guess I’ll be going then as I do not wish to discuss anything of the sort. It’s not that I think any less of you for thinking and or talking about dicks and how being heavy, as they can be, affects day to day life, but I have to say, this is a subject that I have a rather sensitive relationship with and do not wish to talk about it, in fear of making me get all fucked up in my noggin. I don’t want to end up like her now, do I”?

[Rebecca mutters the ‘muppet babies’ theme song to herself while picking her nose. The reject can’t even fucking do that right and she picks too hard.]

Rebecca: “WAAAAAHHHHHHH”!!!!!

Frank: “Oh fuck! I think my retard went and scraped another sliver off of her already dwindled prune of a brain.”

Mysterious Man: “Oh, I’m sorry dude, I didn’t know that your sister had a real mental disorder”.

Frank: “She’s not my sister, and don’t be afraid to say retard”.

Mysterious man: “My name is Paul”.

Paul: “There, I don’t have to write “Mysterious man” anymore, finally we know my fucking name. I figured you’d ask it eventually but noooooooo you fucking go on and on about you. Don’t you have the fucking manners to introduce yourself to people? Which one of us here is retarded, you know? Idiot”.

Frank: “What are you”?

Paul: “I am a spirit from another dimension; I am similar to what you humans know as a question, or those whispers that cats have. I managed to link us by channeling this weak-minded reetee. I’m lucky I found one this rainbow-faced, this late in the season. I wanted to meet you and explain to you that you live in a meaningless construct of a superior being. Your master, or God if you will, is none other than Bathtub Von Ducky Man”!

[They both stare at each other for a while.]

Paul: “well”?

Frank: “Get the hell out of my hands devil liaison”!

[The two fight. Rebecca wins. And by that I mean she farts and then cries.]

The end, so fuck off.

“Whilst”

2007-12-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

“Whilst”

Why is it acceptable for one man to fart whilst using the urinal, surrounded by other dudes at the trough, when the man in the stall is made to feel like an asshole if he so much as whispers the smallest squeak of a fart whilst anyone else is in the bathroom?

2007-12-18T18:41:00.000-08:00

The following are videos that my friends and I made over the past two years for a local film festival.

http://www.campusmoviefest.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/IdeaFlow.woa/1/wo/QAEwxPHbKtACWISLbkQR2M/4.0.5.1.6.6.11.17.0.3

“A Convenient Inconvenience”

2007-12-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

“On the way to a shopping mall we stopped at my apartment to pick up a few games I was asked to lend to my cousin, Ryan, one of the two people I was with that day.” –Direct testimony of Matthew R. Croasdale

On Tuesday, December 18th, 2007 Cousins Matthew, and Ryan Croasdale, on a leisurely outing with mutual friend and comrade, Chris Barone encountered the following ‘event’: The three men were asked by a “twenty-ish” looking woman with blonde hair if they might provide the service of jump starting her automobile. She appeared to have a 3 or 4 year old Honda Civic of moderate wear and tear. The problem was clear, she left an electrical accessory on; that coupled with the extremely cold temperature of 24 degrees, has rendered her battery sapped of its vital energy, it’s essential vigor of life. The solution was as clear as the problem, as the binary opposite is always the easiest to realize. The most under appreciated epiphany, the most reliable resolve, and the phenomenon we know as “common sense”. I often lay awake at night pondering if whether such a thing is good or bad, right or wrong, central or peripheral, but that analysis is for another event, for another discussion, for another day.
The procedure was simple and effective. I was even able to visually document the event for personal records and evident insurance for any unfortunate legal tensions that might arise from unseen caustic actions during the timeframe of the event. I have included selected samples of said photographic documentation with this remarkable event below.

There was a fuck up that I made and it was the result of my own negligence. I tapped the clamps of the jumper cables while they were still juiced and I fucking shocked my hands. It felt like I just jerked off a robot and activated the electric ejaculatory function of the “male” machine. I can confidently use this analogy as it was the most accurate description of the feeling I had experienced and think it is appropriate to use.
In the end, the strange woman was provided her much needed boost in the battery department and the boys got their good deed for the day squared away. I’d like to say that their actions were worthy of the subtitle, “Holiday Spirit”, but I really don’t think those hollow meaningless words hold any value. Fuck the deformed mutation of the bastard child formally known as “X-Mas”, it too a comodified simulacra of its own lost referential.
“Merry Christmas”.